We have pretty much always ran PSA group vans. Primarily Citroen Dispatches, and last year we added a Vauxhall Vivaro, same van, different badge. The Vauxhall was the LWB version which came in handy when transporting our gourmet burger units.
To be fair, they have been pretty reliable. Normally we swapped the oldest one in each year. Covid, mucked the system up, and we found ourselves needing three new vans.
Originally in 2021 we ordered a new Dispatch. It was going to be delivered for September. Then October, November December, January, and finally some time after March. At that point we cancelled it.
That turned out to be a mistake, since between ordering and cancelling it, the price had gone up some four grand, and the spec had been cut in half.
Everywhere we looked, they were quoting, pretty much indeterminate delivery times. Eventually I happened on a garage with a Vauxhall Vivaro, still at a reasonable spec, but a lot more expensive then we had been paying for vans. We added that to the fleet last March.
Vauxhall Vivaro
Roll around 2023 and the decision was made that we needed another two vans. Queue a look around our usual suppliers. What we found was that they had gone up another four grand since last year, while simultaneously the spec was cut again. So in effect, we would be paying more per van than the top of the range versions had been a couple of years ago. And for our money we would be getting something not much above the minimum spec.
Enter Nissan Primastar
To be honest, the cut in spec pissed me off as much as the jump in price, so I decided that maybe it was time to look around. Now that isn’t as easy as it sounds. Citroen, Peugeot, Fiat, Toyota and Vauxhall are all the same van. We hired a couple of Ford Custom’s one Christmas, and everyone refused to drive them, the handling was that poor. My experience with Mercedes vans, is that if you drive through a puddle of water they start to fall apart with rust within the week. VW transporters were liked, but just too bloody expensive for what you got.
Eventually we turned up at Nissan. The vans were a nice drive, slightly larger inside both the load area and the cabin than our previous vans which was a plus. Similar on fuel economy. Came with a shorter service interval than Citroen which is a bit crap, but were twenty per cent cheaper and came with a top of the range spec. they didn’t come with twin side loading doors as standard, but it was an option for only £280. So overall we decided to give them a chance and ordered two.
Have you heard the old wives rhyme, There was an old woman who swallowed a fly, I don’t know why she swallowed a fly, but no one knows where it came from or if its true… well a new one I heard this week was There was an old tree surgeon who swallowed a goldfish, I don’t know why he swallowed a goldfish.
The tree surgeon decided at a fun fair that he would
swallow his girlfirends prize fish that she had just won and wash it down with
half a pint. His girlfriend filmed the incident and then posted the video onto
social media primarily her snapchat story with the caption “He ate my fish”.
Snapchat Video
The snapchat video was a 14 second clip that showed the tree
surgeon holding the very real and live fish in his palm before he then put it
in his mouth and swallowed the fish and then taking a large swig of his beer.
At the end of the video you can then see him opening his
mouth to show the viewers that the fish has gone and he sticks his tongue out
to prove that he has swallowed the innocent live animal whole.
The video was filmed
in Bridgewater Carnival in Somerset in September. Once the video had been
shared it spread very fast and was then reported to the RSPCA by all the
concerned viewers.
The Tree Surgeon was named as Josh Coles from Devon. He was ordered to appear at Exeter Magistrates court where he then admitted to a charge of causing unnecessary suffering to a project animal, he initially denied the charge, but changed his plea to guilty to avoid the trial. The magistrate stated that the goldfish would have experienced stress and unnecessary suffering as it was eaten alive with no other outcome than dead.
He was fined £300 with an £85 victim surcharge. Considering the victim is now a deceased goldfish, it does beggar the question of who does the surcharge go to?
There was an old tree surgeon who swallowed a goldfish and then entered denial
Coles tried to deny
that any animal had been harmed and stated that it was just a stunt for social
media and he hadn’t swallowed it. He then claimed that the fish which had been
won at the fair was already half dead.
Fish are a traditional prize that can be won at the fair on many of the different game stalls. The fish usually come with a small plastic fish tank, stones and fish food. All fish that are won at the fairground have been properly looked after in the weeks leading up to the fair coming to town. The favoured prize by many of the kids who visit the fair love winning a pet. It is a horror that a grown adult would then find fun in this by swallowing it.
The outcome is that goldfish are now banned from being given out as prizes at Bridgewater fair. As just handing them out in plastic bags without any checks isn’t an acceptable way to do things. Strangely, having bought fish a number of times for our office aquarium, they have always been handed over in plastic bags without any checks in whether I have a suitable tank or know how to care for them.
Next up in our series of burger joints, is another American offering. The aptly names Fatburger, motto “The Last Great Hamburger Stand” .
Originally called Mr Fatburger, it was started by Lovie Yancey and her husband. When the couple split up, Yancey dropped the Mr from the name.
It remained pretty much a California based business, until the late 90’s when an expansion project was embarked upon across five Western States in the US, along with Canada, China, Pakistan, UAE and over a dozen other countries.
The chain was built up to 182 stores across the world. With some celebrity owners such as Kanye West, Pharrell and Montel Williams all owning franchises.
XXXL Triple Kingburger
The chain offers the usual burger chain fare of fries, burgers, onion rings and so on. Its top of the range offering is the XXXL Triple Kingburger. A 2050 calorie behemoth that is a heartattack in a bun with a full 1.5 pounds of beef.
We love burgers as much as the next guy, but really a full pound and a half. The equivalent to six quarterpounders, no wonder the USA has an obesity problem. This burger alone is almost a full days calorie intake no wonder they call them fatburger.
Gourmet burgers are one of our main lines nowadays. Despite the campaigns for healthier heating, veganism etc, burgers are still massively popular.
Like most people I have made many a visit to the famous American chains over here, namely McDonalds and Burger King. In fact I am old enough to remember when Wimpy was a massive chain, and truth be told, what I remember of them, their burger was better than either of the USA behemoths.
However there are many other chains or ‘burger joints’ in the US of A. Non at the size of the main two, but some pretty big and expanding. Some of the smaller ones are nowhere near in size, but have massive public followings. We are gonna look at a few of these, their history and menu’s.
Our first contender is the quaintly named In-N-Out Burgers. First launched in the Los Angeles suburb of Baldwin Park California by Harry and Esther Snyder in 1948. The original store was tiny, only some 10ft square. Harry would visit the local wholesalers each morning to pick out the freshest ingredients whilst his wife Esther would take care of the administration and bookkeeping.
The beef patties were made by hand fresh every morning, and quality was a watchword for them from the off.
Drive Through
Harry would work in his garage on a night, after long days of cooking burgers. Later in 1948 he put together a two way voice box allowing his customers to order food without even leaving their cars. This focus on drive through was a mainstay of the companies business model. In fact it wasn’t until restaurant No.21 in 1979 that they even had a sit down section to allow guests to consume their food on the premises.
By 1963 they had grown to the extant that they opened their own processing plant for the burgers, up till then Esther had prepared each patty using a hand press.
By the time Harry Snyder died in 1976, at the age of 63, the chain had grown to 18 restaurants.
Second Generation
Harry’s son 24-year-old Rich Snyder took the reins after his fathers death and expanded the chain rapidly, building the chain to 90 stores over the next 20 years.
Sadly in 1993 whilst returning from opening store No. 93 in Fresno, California, Rich died along with four other passengers when the light aircraft he was in crashed due to being caught in the wake turbulence of a larger aircraft that landed in front of them.
His brother Guy took over and aggressively expanded the company to over 140 locations in six years before dying from an overdose of painkillers.
Esther Snyder died in 2006 at the age of 86 whereupon the presidency passed to Mark Taylor, former VP of operations.
Animal Burgers
They launched their ‘Animal’ burger in 1961, where the beef pattie was fried in a thin layer of mustard, add extra pickles and grilled onions were added.
Protein Burger
Their protein burger, dispenses with the bun and wraps the whole lot in lettuce, for a healthier option.
Flying Dutchman
A real unusual one this, think of taking the burger out of the bun and , well and nothing. That’s what you get, two patties, two slices of cheese (well that yellow stuff the Americans claim is cheese), pickles salad and wrap it in a slice of paper. In N Out have many items on their secret menu. Not on display in the restaurants, but viewable on the website.
In n Out Burgers Crossed Palm Trees
The company tend to have a pair of crossed palm trees at the front of each location. This is allegedly in allusion to Harry Snyder’s favourite movie, It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad World.
Bible Quotes
In keeping with his Christian beliefs, many In n Out Burgers items such as the drinks cups have bible references printed on them.
William Hesketh Lever (1851-1925), founder of Unilever and later the first Viscount Leverhulme, once said (allegedly) , “I know that half the money I spend on advertising is wasted. My only problem is that I don’t know which half.” The remark was also attributed to a number of other businessmen, and is widely considered to have never been uttered.
Whatever the truth of the matter, advertising is now a huge industry, prevalent in everyday life. We are all constantly bombarded by adverts for everything from new teeth to milk shakes. I can’t honestly say that seeing an advert makes me want to rush out and partake in the cult of that product, but who knows, it quite likely might have some subliminal effect.
Burger Battles
One class of advert that we have all seen, and still do regularly, comes from the burger companies. In the UK we only really have two major players, and the rest tend to be small businesses that don’t have major advertising budgets. Across the pond, there are a number of major chains with restaurants in the hundreds, so there is a much wider range of adverts to look at.
McDonalds
The biggest chain is obviously the home of the golden arches. Being the top of the tree probably gives McDonalds a different perspective on what they need to advertise. Everyone else is throwing pot shots at McD’s but they aren’t trying to topple anyone else. As a result, much of their advertising has been, well, bland. It emphasis how good the food is, or how cheap the food is, and that’s about it. Probably the right thing when you are trying to sell good food cheap, but not exactly edgy or giving us the wow factor.
I tried googling ‘Edgy McDonalds Ads’ and come up with the ad below, visually more exciting, but not what I would call edgy burger advertising.
Burger King
The perennial number two chain around the world, Burger King has spent much of its advertising dollars trolling McDonalds. It has positioned itself as the cheeky younger brother to the number one chain, and this shows in its adverts. Few of the King’s adverts have really been about the food, they have always had an edgier tone, generally poking fun, occasionally skirting controversy, sometimes even classy.
Burger King spent nearly a year trolling McDonalds without anyone actually realising. Until at the end they released images of their ads taken from a different angle. What this revealed, was that all of the year’s adverts for their whopper, had actually also contained an image of a Big Mac. Only because of the Macs smaller size, you couldn’t actually see it as it was positioned behind the whopper.
McDonalds in a rare display of edginess responded with an ad of their own exclaiming ‘Behind every good burger is a great burger’.
One which polarised opinion was the mouldy whopper ad. Much had been written about the abnormally long life of some McDonalds products, with it being claimed they were so full of preservatives that they don’t actually decay. BK produced a series of ads showing that over time their burgers turned mouldy. Although not mentioning their rivals by name, the inference was obvious, BK’s stuff was naturally free from additives.
Based in the German market, BK announced a range of really weird burgers for mother’s day, these were to satisfy the cravings of pregnant ladies.
With this one BK decided to take a leaf out of Carl Jr’s book and use sex to sell burgers. Or rather suggestiveness. Not sure if you would get away with this one in the current climate!
A brilliant piece of work, this promised you a Whopper for 1 cent, but only if you droe to a McDonalds, then used the app whilst you were in the restaurant to order a Whopper for collection from the nearest BK.
Always up with current affairs, this one was in the middle of the Covid crisis.
One of their classier ads, this one was asking you to order from their rivals. During lockdown, everyone was struggling, and their take on it was ordering from a fast food joint, any joint, would be helping people who needed the money.
The last one pokes fun at their flame grilling of burgers. For the record we all feel here that BK burgers do taste better than their rivals, whether it is down to being flame grilled, who knows.
Carl’s Jr. and Sexy Burger Advertising
In 1941 Carl Karcher and his wife Margaret, borrowed $311 against their Plymouth car, and added $15 in savings to buy a hot dog stand. By 1945 they had opened their first drive in, called Carl’s Drive In Barbecue. 1956 saw their first Carl’s Jr. opening, so called because it was a smaller version of their main drive in.
Carl’s Jr. started with pretty much the same adverts as other chains. Images of juicy looking burgers and prices.
Then in 2005 came a new direction. They decided that sex sells. Or More precisely, scantily clad women writhing and moaning whilst eating burgers sells.
Their first ‘slutburger’ ad as it was infamously christened, saw Paris Hilton, a fancy car, soap and water and a burger.
This was followed by a steady stream of sports illustrated alumni, models and singers. All stunningly attractive, all scantily clad and all eating burgers.
Predictably the ad caused offence. With one commentator claiming it had ‘set back feminism four decades’. On the other hand the ‘All Natural’ ad featuring Charlotte McKinney has garnered some 4.5 BILLION media impressions worldwide, so they are effective.
I must admit the all natural one was bloody weird, the ad boasted that the burger was a “first ever fast food” item made with “no antibiotics, no added hormones, and no steroids.” I mean WTAF, are they doing in a burger in the first place.
Otley Burger Company
I wasn’t really expecting tiny little independant companies to appear in this list. But it seems that the Otley Burger Company of Leeds, takes provocation to new levels. Or more accurately sheer bad taste. They leverage social media to promote their business. A good move for small businesses as it can be leveraged to create massive benefit at little cost.
Their Mother’s day advert however, used shock value that took bad taste to a new level. Advert below!
A&W Burgers
A&W just happen to be the oldest restaurant chain in America. Founded in 1919 by Roy W. Allen as a roadside drinks stand in Rodi California, they have grown to some 900 stores.
Their single entry into our advertising hall of fame, is the launch of their bigger 1/3 pound burger, playing on the theme of bigger is better. Unfortunately it failed in spectacular fashion. Why? Well evidently your average American doesn’t do fractional maths very well. And by God anyone knows that 4 is bigger than 3 so a 1/4 pounder has to be bigger than a 1/3 pounder don’t it.
A&W are intending making a comeback with a new ad for a 3/9 of a pounder, in the hope that Americans take 9 as bigger than 4.
Grill’d
A relatively modern addition, Grill’d was formed in Australia in 2004 in Melbourne. Growing to some 150 stores, the company aired an add that caused outrage. It was meant to troll McDonalds, by having a creepy clown character. unfortunately having said clown chase two kids down a dark alley then appear to flash them, isn’t really acceptable advertising nowadays. In fact it wasn’t really acceptable advertising in any day.
Wendy’s Where’s The Beef
Founded in 1969 in Ohio, Wendy’s is the third biggest burger chain in the world.
Like most chains Wendy’s has the biggest, bestest, juiciest blah blah blah. Their adverts are pretty cookie cutter with everybody else’s. Except for one classic. The ‘Where’s the beef?’ advert aired in 1984, with the unknown actress Claire Peller, an elderly lady sat with two other friends looking at a tiny beef pattie in a big bun and questioning how much beef there is. This ad skyrocketed Wendy’s profits and became a classic line.
