Crazy & Co.

Exploding Fire Extinguishers

3 January 2021

Tales Of Misadventures

In my younger days, I often played Russian roulette with the fuel in my vehicles. Many of them I knew to within about 500 yards how far the fuel would take me. I remember once my dad taking my sister out for a driving lesson. I was laid under a small lorry I owned repairing something when I heard my dad walk up the drive.

Seems he ran out of fuel about 4 mile up the road, there wasn’t mobile phones in those days, and he didn’t have any money on him for fuel, so he had walked all the way back to get some. Hearing him shout to my mother ‘Where is the little bA*&^rd, I am going to kill him. I decided discretion was the better part of valour and stayed where I was.

Redcar Gala

I had booked a shooting gallery into a gala in the North East town of Redcar. This particular gallery was built into a 6 wheeled Foden lorry. At the time it would average about 12mpg, so was fairly thirsty. Anyway, I arrived at Redcar, drove onto the allocated pitch, and it promptly conked out of fuel. Oh well, I would operate, get the day over then worry about refuelling.

As it turned out it was a bit of a poor day, and everything was finished by about 5pm.

My at the time mate Arthur, owned a transit van, I asked to borrow it so I could go and fill a 5 gallon drum up with diesel. This would allow me to then return with the lorry to the fuel station and fill it up.

The Fuel Station

I arrived at the fuel station, and in truth pulled up to the pump a little faster than I should have, I was in a hurry. As I braked, again a bit sharp, I heard an almighty explosion, and my world instantly turned white.

Now, I had read in the past about people arriving at the afterlife and seeing a bright white light. This white light was more of a murky grey, but hey, I couldn’t see brimstone and fire so I figured I had gone up, not down.

I was wondering what had killed me, brain aneurysm, heart attack, stroke? Now at this juncture, I became aware that I couldn’t actually breath, and my respiratory tract appeared to be full of gritty, awful tasting stuff. I have to admit, I wasn’t impressed with this afterlife, I mean, whats the point of life after death, if you couldn’t breath and you had a bloody awful taste in your mouth.

I wondered if I was going to spend eternity in the bloody van, or if there was more, so scrabbling around I managed to open the door. As I exited I tripped, landing on my knees and that bloody hurt. So the afterlife where I couldn’t breath I could feel pain? I was wondering about a transfer to the other realm, on the basis of I wasn’t feeling the love in this one. I vaguely remember Sunday school lessons, and I couldn’t recall this being mentioned.

In The Back

As I lay there I became aware that my breathing was returning, I also noticed that a lady at the next pump was looking at me quizzically. I asked her if I was in the afterlife, and she replied “No love, Redcar”

Being a bit non compis mentis at the time it took a while to process this. I wondered if she was an idiot, and why did they let idiots into heaven, but gradually realised I might not be dead. “Am I then, not dead?” I enquired, she looked at me funny, obviously wondering why an idiot was knelt in front of her asking funny questions. “Eeerm you look kind of weird, but I don’t think you are dead, I mean I can still see you”

I must admit, not being a student of the afterlife, I am not sure whether her being able to see me counted for anything. As realisation dawned that my demise was, as Mark Twain once noted, ‘greatly exaggerated’. I climbed to my feet and decided I needed to investigate. Best place to start was, I thought the back of the van.

Opening it I spotted the culprit. It turns out that Arthur was the proud owner of one of the worlds largest dry powder fire extinguishers. A fire extinguisher which has it happens was missing its safety pin to prevent accidental discharge. Seems that my enthusiastic braking had tipped the bloody thing over, whereupon said fire extinguisher had gleefully and molevalantly discharged what seems like half a tonne of dry powder in a matter of seconds.

The Aftermath

Now, as I took stock, I realised just how much mess I had caused. The entire van front and rear had a thick coating of powder. The cars at the side of me had received an instantaneous colour change. And you could no longer see through the window of the fuel station.

I still needed fuel, so filled the drum, secured it in the van and went in to pay. Cue howls of laughter from the occupants of the garage. Turns out I also was covered in powder. As one helpful prat, sorry person remarked, I resembled an anaemic ghost.

I got in the van to set off back and discovered I had a problem. The window was obscured, like, totally, I had to wipe peep holes in to see. I pulled over and decided I needed to ring Arthur and prepare him for what I had done to his van. He answered the call. I managed to croak “Arthur, your van”, That’s as far as I got, as I erupted into slightly hysterical laughter, Arthur screaming down the phone “What have you done to my van” didn’t help, I blame the contents of the powder, gotta have some effect right.

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Fun Story

Bloody Kids, A Lockdown And The Darkest Hour

22 December 2020

Into week 3 of the lockdown and we are making full use of Netflix. A friend had suggested the film Darkest Hour. The award winning biopic of Sir Winston Churchills earliest days as prime minister.

So one night when I had become sick of sitting at a computer doing promotional work, I powered Netflix up, found the movie and away we went.

Darkest Hour

Not the usual war film, I thought it started a little slow, but then became totally engrossing. Gary Oldman I thought was near perfect. A little worrying, because I am old enough to remember when he was too young to play that part lol. It captured the deeply flawed personality that was Churchill, but also just how strong the appeasement movement was at that time. I genuinely think had anyone else taken the role, we would have capitulated.

Bloody Kids

At one point my daughter wandered in. Enquiring what the film was about she sat a while as she waited for her kettle to boil.

At one point a scene with Churchill sitting at his desk appeared.

“Oh I have sat at that desk” she mentioned nonchelantly.

Really, when?

“Oh I didn’t tell you did I, a few years ago you had sent me on a corporate job at this old house, serving spiced wine I think. Anyway half way through the job, the guests had all gone into a conference. So I went and got myself a cup of coffee, well, there was this big old desk and a chair, so I plonked my coffee on the desk, and sat down to read my book”

Really I enquired?

“Oh yes, but I wasn’t there long”, this lady came into the room, seen me sat there and I thought she was having a seizure, when she managed to get her words out she screamed you can’t sit there that’s Churchills desk., “Well”, I said, “he isn’t using it now is he?”

Bloody kids. One of life’s great mysteries, is why my blood pressure is still the same as when I was a teenager!

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Fun Story, Funfair Rides

Fiery Dodgems, Tales Of Misadventures

17 December 2020

Just a short one this time about a fiery dodgems ride. For a number of years we provided attractions to a college near Nottingham. The guy in charge Michael was really laid back and grew to be a good friend.

Anyway over time they kept expanding the campus at this college, so we went from attending with 5 or 6 large rides to eventually there was only room for the dodgems.

At last even that space was cut down, Michael told me he had lost about a third of the empty space and could I find him a dodgems to fit what was left. None of ours was suitable, but I managed to find another operator with a specially cut down version.

The Joys Of Using Someone New

Now I had never used this ride before, but to be honest it was all I could find to fit so I explained this to Michael and he was happy to go ahead.

The ride wasn’t the best visually when it turned up, but the safety checks were all present and correct, and it had received its annual inspection not long before.

The first half of the day went off without a hitch. We had games units there and catering so everyone was having a good time.

Riding A Dodgem When Your Are Blindfolded

Michael came up to me after lunch with a hand full of facemasks. He explained that the dodgems had actually been sponsored by a school for the visually impaired and that a number of students from the school had came to take a ride on them. He went on to say that would it be ok for the sighted riders to wear face masks to give them an idea of the struggles the other students faced.

No probs, I thought that was quite poignant, and a really good idea.

Blazing Inferno

I kept thinking it was a good idea right up until the point where one of the dodgem cars burst into flames. Well, that’s a bit dramatic so I will explain. The power to the dodgem car motor is transmitted through the metal floor, and through the pole that is sticking up from the back of the dodgem car.

The whole body, being in contact with the floor is usually negative polarity, and the pole is attached to the positive, as it is a D.C. power system, not the same as your usual household supply.

The section of the car where the pole enters is insulated to prevent the pole shorting to the body. Sometimes because of the continual movement of the pole, the insulation degrades. Normally you get a few sparks and you repair the insulation. Occasionally you do get an actual fire, again no big deal, you stop the ride extinguish it and either replace the insulation or remove the car.

Not this day. This day the insulation decides to burst into flame. But here’s the thing. Everyone on the ride was either blind, or wearing a facemask. So the cars were still running around the track with no one any the wiser.

Frank Spencer With An Extinguisher

The guy in charge came running out with a big fire extinguisher, which was good. In his panic he hadn’t thought to hit the emergency stop on the ride, which was not good.

He then proceeded to chase the burning car around the track to extinguish it. Thing is, the guy in the car was happily trying to drive around in circles. Seeing as he was blindfolded and didn’t know what was happening.

More to the point, the rest of the cars were still going at full tilt. The guy with the extinguisher was knocked down three times before he managed to catch the car on fire.

Of course once he set the extinguisher off there was an almighty ruckus. Imagine being blindfolded driving around in a dodgem car. Next thing you have a jet of compressed dry powder shooting down the back of your shirt.

The true star was Michael. Whilst this had been occurring, he and I had been leaning on the safety rails watching the drama unfold. Michael didn’t bat an eyelid, he just looked at me and said “Is it supposed to do that?”

“Hmmmn, not sure” I said, “Don’t think it is”

Now if you would like to hire dodgems that don’t spontaneously combust, get in touch.

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Fun Story, funfair events, General

Abandoned Spreepark

12 December 2020

Spreepark is a derelict amusement park located on the outskirts of Berlin, abandoned and eerie. It has been abandoned for over 10 years. Throughout the park you can find remains of children’s rides and game stalls as well as life size dinosaur statues. The park was originally created and set in 1969 and was called Veb Kulturpark Planterwald. Set up by the Communist government in East Berlin. The park thrived throughout the communist era until the fall of the Berlin wall 20 years later.

In 1991 Norbet Witte took over the park and renamed it ‘Spreepark’. Making many changes he transformed the amusement park, adding grass and water landscapes and bringing a line of new modern rides from the Mirapolis amusement park in Paris. Mr Witte changed the park numerous times and even added an English village. However it later came out that Norbet Witte was a controversial park manager and was involved in illegal activities such as smuggling cocaine, which he achieved by hiding it in parts of ride equipment that he shipped between Peru, Germany and Belgium. Due to this information surfacing the park was closed down in 2002.

2002

From 2002 the park remained shut down, with erosion and nature soaring throughout the park. Causing destructive damage and in 2014 a fire started by arson destroyed much of the equipment in the park. Due to this the government increased security on the site with new fences around the perimeter. Miraculously in 2016 a company put forward a plan to take over the park. To transform it into a location for arts and culture. The company Grun Berlin GmbH was owned by the city of Berlin. They forwarded the proposed plans in late 2018 and are considered to be implemented over several years.

As of last year many of the attractions was removed. However some of the main features such as the large Ferris wheel and rollercoaster remain. Along with the restaurant from the very first year of the park being open, and a water ride, carousel and cinema from the takeover period.

The park was the only of its kind in the communist era. Covering around 74 acres it welcomed around half a million visitors per year at its peak popularity. The Ferris wheel (photographed above) was the parks most popular feature. Being upgraded in 1989 to celebrate the 40^th anniversary. Adding more cabins to the ride and increasing the height of the structure .

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Event Planning, Fun Story, funfair events, Funfair Rides

Nutcases, Organising Funfair Events & Killer Swans

2 December 2020

Originally we were traditional funfair operators. We then started to make the move into organising funfair events. Eventually we reached the point where we decided to specialise purely in corporate and private events. The sort where we don’t charge the guests, the person booking us pays a fixed rate.

But in between the two extremes, we had a period, where we were taking on paid work and traditional festivals, fetes, galas, in fact we would try anything.

Over time we found that only a small percentage of events ended up financially viable, but it was a steep learning curve. Two events in particular stand out from this period.

Peterborough Showground

We were contacted by a gentleman who was putting together a huge event (his words) at Peterborough Showground. This was to raise money for charity, he was expecting in excess of 50,000 people to attend, and the night would be highlighted by a set played by One Direction, fresh from winning whatever reality show they had won.

Arthur and I travelled to meet him. He had the spiel, and he ticked the boxes showing us the contract already signed for One Direction, so it looked pretty good. In hindsight, (that most wonderfully useless of skills) we should have been a teeny bit suspicious of his qualifications to run an event of this scale, when we had to help him jump start his 30 year old clapped out Fiat Panda, because it wouldn’t start. But hey, he might have been one of those eccentric promoters. We have in fairness dealt with multi millionaires before, who looked like a close relation to Greengrass of Heartbeat fame.

We sorted a deal out, and agreed to organise a funfair event on a grand scale, thrill rides, family rides, games stalls, catering, the kitchen sink and all.

The Big Day

I was at another event on the big day. So Arthur, my part time partner in crime was going to be in charge. We had attracted a number of other operators with our enthusiastic selling of the event, so we did have a big selection of equipment set up.

On the morning I received two phone calls. The first was from a mate Graham. He wanted to thank me for letting him attend the festival. As he had this theory you see, that the more portable toilets at an event, the bigger the crowd was going to be. He told me that the toilets were lined up as far as the eye could see, he was already planning his retirement to a Caribbean island based on what he was going to earn.

The Second Call

The second call came from Arthur and was rather more panicked. When I had calmed him down enough to talk rationally he came out with a classic line. “Do you know how many tickets he has sold for this event?”

In fairness I had no idea, I was hoping for something like 40,000 but I thought that really anything over 20,000 would be a major event.

“427”, was Arthur’s now icily calm statement.

“Shit, 427 thousand, the venue won’t take that many people, health and safety will shut us down.” Now I was starting to panic.

“No”, said Arthur, “Not 427 FU***NG thousand, FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN, as in three digits, as in we are in trouble. He thinks that lots of people will just turn up on the day and pay at the gate”

Well, at least I wasn’t there, so Arthur would have to deal with everyone. Graham didn’t talk to me for quite a while after that. I think they ended up with an attendance of about 800.

The moral of the story is never trust a guy in a broken down Fiat Panda.

Ripon Racecourse

The second, followed a similar pattern. A guy called Simon was putting an event on at Ripon racecourse. Rennie, another part time collaborator, and I went to meet him. He laid out the plans, the army was coming, the navy, airforce, a massive classic car show, giant car boot. Not as impressive as Peterborough, but a nice sized localish event. We agreed terms and shook hands.

Now the night before we were due to set up, I attended an event in Glossop with a couple of children’s rides. One of them which was trailer mounted, had a wheel bearing collapse, and being a Saturday afternoon in a small town, I couldn’t source a replacement.

After the event, the AA refused to recover the trailer and instead got me a quote of £700 to take it the 40 miles back home. Bugger that, I ended up adjusting the towbar to take the weight off the back of the ride, and came home on three wheels. The last leg coming through the centre of Barnsley, I passed more bloody Police cars than I have ever seen, but thankfully whatever was going off kept them too preoccupied to notice my DIY three wheeler.

I arrive At Ripon

Because of the hassles at Glossop, I ended up getting home in the early hours of the morning. Because both Arthur and Rennie were going to be at Ripon, I decided to let them sort the layout of the event out and I would turn up later to set my equipment up.

By the time I arrived at Ripon, it was raining lightly. I rounded the corner and pulled into a field, containing a fair bit of funfair equipment and nothing else. No Army, Navy or Air Force, no car show or giant car boot. WTF

As I jumped out of my lorry, that nutcase Simon ran up, with no shirt on singing ‘Three wheels on my wagon’. I looked at Arthur who smiled, he felt he still owed me for Peterborough. “You’ll have to explain to everyone why there is nothing here and no bloody people this time.” says he.

Oh Lord, “Where is everything Simon, I enquired politely though gritted teeth.”

“Not sure he beamed, thought it would be here by now, but don’t worry.”

“why don’t worry what have you got up your sleeve?” I hopefully asked.

“Well nothing really, but it’s great to be alive. God loves us”, he was still beaming.

It was at that point I decided to move him nearer to God. Thankfully, for him, Rennie and Arthur grabbed an arm each and kept me rooted to the spot, Simon, oblivious to his rapidly shortening life expectancy trotted off to his refrain of singing in the rain.

Killer Swans

When I had calmed down enough for them to let me loose. I looked at them and asked what we were going to do. “Your in charge” said Arthur, “Up to you this time”. He had a matching grin to Simons.

Just at that precise moment, karma decided to intervene. Ripon has a population of swans in its lake. Now most of them stayed away from us all in the lake. But one swan, a bit more adventurous than the rest had decided to come check us out. We were stood there, a bit like the three stooges, when the said swan decided to attack. Well, to be more precise, he left Rennie and I alone, and set about Arthur.

Ha, he wasn’t laughing now, and I hadn’t realised just how big and aggressive swans could be. Arthur ended up running away. But for the rest of the day, whenever he stopped in one place too long, the swan would swoop in and attack. Funny, it never bothered anyone else, well except for the young lady who had just bought a chocolate bun from the coffee stall, she had unwrapped it and was staring at it longingly, when a head on a long white neck, came from over her shoulder and snatched it.

At Ripon we had only taken smaller attractions, so we just about covered our expenses.

We had a far more serious problem at another event Called The Great Yorkshire Carnival, but I am saving that for a future post.

If you would like to hire dodgems, games or any other attractions we can do that.

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